Love is Harsh BVB one shot

I'm gonna clean the house
I'm gonna fix the fence
In my final hours
I'm gonna tie up these loose ends

Ashleys' been on tour for a few months now. I didn't want him to go, but he had to, he promised me we'll talk, video chat everyday. Hes kept that promised, but I was in a fargiled state when he left, it just went down the longer he was gone.

I wont leave a note
For anyone to find
Tomorrow they'll know
What I've done here tonight

Hes suppose to be back tomorrow. I'm cleaning the house, fixing that hole in the fence-Outlaw said he would fix before he left but he didn't-, tieing loose ends from my pass-calling family members I've been pissed at for a long time and saying there forgiven and giving money back I owe.

The drastic steps I'm takin'
Are just an act of desperation
I knew no one would miss me
So what the hell
I fought and lied I drank too much
Hurt every one I ever touched
Just how much I hurt you is hard to tell
This is not some kind of cry for help
Just good bye I wish you well
Because I love you
I'm gonna kill myself

Once all those things were done, I sat back in a chair, and remember. Remember when we first started dating. Remember all our memories in this house. Especailly this one; Ashley and I were running around the house, I had his boots on, he had to go to a concert in town and needed them. But i wouldn't give them to him, running around, laughing, him laughing long. As I triped and landed on my easy chair. He pounced on me and started tickling me, as i was close to tears he stopped, taking off his boots and putting them on. "Now, i'm late." He says, with a smirk on his face. He kissed me on the cheek, before picking me up braidal style and walking around the house. He made his way to the front door, kissing me softly on the lips, mummbling against them "I love you." I whispered I loved him too, and he left.

Now who is that
In my easy chair
Now wait a minute
That's the old me sittin' there

I felt a tear go down my cheek at the memory. That was when I was most happy, then ever. How I felt every emotion there is a year ago, they haven't faded. They just...

And I thank God
The devil in me died
I stand before you now
A man changed and alive

For the first time in a long time, I got on my knees and praied. "God, I haven't spoke to you in a LONG time. I hope you've been paying attention to me, how my lifes been great, how much I love Ashley, how much everythings changed. Can you help Ashley forgive me, can you forgive me? Amen" It wasn't much of a praier, but it'll do. As I walked around the house more, wanted to think. Take as long as I need to over think this.

It soon got dark as the phone started to ring. I answered it, "Hey babe." Ashley said, I smiled a sad one. "Hey." "I'm getting on the plane, and I should be home in about 2 hours. I'm turning off my phone, until i get home. So I can relax, but i wanted to hear your voice one more time." "Thats sweat, my outlaw. I can't wait til you get home." "I can't wait to see you." He says, A single tear falls. "Me, too. Its been to long." "It has." When he said that, I heard, "Now boreding, flight 498. To Las Angles. Now boreding, Flight 498." "I guess you have to go." "Yeah," He sighed, sounding disappointed. "Love you." He says. "Love you...My Outlaw." We hunged up. I place the phone down.
I walk around the house getting everything ready, for when he comes home.

APOV (Ashley)

I called Eliana, just to hear her voice before i had to turn off my phone. I was going to get one, before we left for our next tour. This one came faster then expected. During the tour i broke it, but fixed it, then again it acts funny, and wastes battery quickly now. I wanted to save it, until we land but in LA.

As the guys and I board the plane, they were all pretty exceited to be going home to see there girls.  I sat down next to Andy, Jake and CC behind us, Jinxx behind them. This as going to be the longest 2 hours of my life. It'll all be worth it when I get home...

~2 1/2 Hrs later~

I got Juilet and Andy drove me home, they were going to have dinner with Eliana and I. Andy parked in my drive way, and I turned on my phone, I got my bags out of the trunk. Once the main screen was on, it said. '1 missed call. Eliana.' I pressed view, to hear. It sounded like shes been crying. "My Outlaw. I love you, you should know that.  I want you to listen to this song." It started to play, and I couldn't really hold my bags and the cell, so i put it on speaker. It sounded country, I knew who the singer was. Tim McGraw. Eliana loves his songs. As I plaied, I walk up my drive way. By time it got to, 'Goodbye I wish you well. I had to kill myself.' I had to door open, I walk in more, and Eliana was hanging from the roof. I drop my bags, "ELIANA!" I ran to her, Andy ran in along with Juilet who was screaming by time she saw her.

I got her down, and craddled her in my arms. The message continued with her voice. "Ashley- My Outlaw-. I love you, Always. You just got to understand..." Was silent for a moment, Andy sat next to me and I looked up to him, he had a tear going down his cheek. Juilet had her hands to her face, crying. "I couldn't take it anymore. I mean I was hurting you, I was hurting everyone I came into contact with. I wanted to stop, I had to do this." And the message was over, I was crying. She NEVER hurt me, as far as I knew she hasn't hurt anyone.

Andy patted me on the back, we sat there in silence. Juilet moved infront of me, reaching for my hand. "Ashley." She whispered, curling her hand around mine. "I know she loves you. Everytime I talked to her, she only talked of you. You were her one and only-" I genlty put Eliana down, and walked away. I couldn't take whatever Juilet was going to say to me. I lay in my bed, our bed. It still smelled like her prefume she uses- Strawberry. I smile, and hug the pillow.

There was a knock on the door. Andy walks in and sits on her side. "Ash?" I look up at him, he had a tear stained face. "I could only imagine what you feel. I could tell how much you love her. For a fact that you haven't cheated on her-" "You hav no idea." I cut him off, and took out a small dark blue box, I hand it to him. His eyes got wide, once he opened it, then look at me, I nod. It was an engagment ring. I finally found 'The One' and she killed herself.

~Few days later~

I haven't been the same when I found Eliana. Nothing matters to me anymore. Excpet the band and whiskey. Today was the day Eliana was going to be buried. The guys were there with there girls. NONE of her family showed up. EVEN my family showed up, Andy's, Jinxx's, Sammi's, Juilet's, Jake's, CC's family came along with there girls. We were all a big family, our family members knew all the girls, including there family.

As some of Eliana's favorite songs plaied, people didn't come dressed in black. Not even the guys, we dressed in white. The family dressed in whatever color, we asked them to wear anything but White or black. White was for us-Jinxx, Jake, Andy, CC, Juilet, Sammi, and me- It was what I wanted. Everyone was talking, mainly about Eliana and there memories of her. Soon it was time for  the little speaches. As the reveren, talks about her being young, being in her teens. What it was like as her, before she met me. He started calling people up there, he called my parents first. They both walk up there together, tears falling down there faces faster with each step.

"Hello." My mother choked out, as my father rubbed her back. "Eliana was a wonderful person. From the day we met her, we knew she would be perfect for our son." She looks at my father, he walks closer to the mic. "The way I raised my son-to be himself, let nobody get in his way, to let your heart feel what it wants..." He took a breath, then looks me in the eyes. "The girls he brought home before her, were all blonde big chested. None matched him. He may have fun with them, but the relationship wouldn't last. When I saw Eliana, my first thought was 'This is new.' I got to know her, The longer the dated, the faster i knew she was he one. The one, who wouldn't change my son, the one who will love him for him, the one who be his wife." He looks around the room. "I love Eliana like she was my own daugther."  With that they got off.

The drastic steps I'm takin'
Are just an act of desperation
I knew no one would miss me
So what the hell
I fought and lied I drank too much
Hurt every one I ever touched
Just how much I hurt you is hard to tell
This is not some kind of cry for help
Just good bye I wish you well
Because I love you
I had to kill myself

People gave there little speaches, just saying they loved Eliana, she was a wonderful person, and they either loved her as a sister or daughter. It was my turn, I took a breath. Walking as straight as I could to the poduim. I've been drinking none stop today. When i finally made it to the poduim, I balanced myself. "I first saw Eliana at K-Mart. She was looking at the guys clothing. I thought she was the most beautiful woman I EVER saw. I walk up to her, asking if she needed any advice. She polightly declines, make it short. I got her number, we went on a couple of dates, before I ask her to be my girlfriend. She met my parents- who she loved, met the guys- who she thought of like brothers, and met the girls- where they all became friends/sisters quickly. When I found Eliana, I was listening to a voice message she left me, as her good bye letter. Before i even called the cops, I held her. Listening to the rest of her voice mail. Once it was done, I go to my room, and get out the engagment ring. I bought her, I got it when I was on tour. I wanted to be her only. I wanted a family with her," I took it out of my pocket, and walk to her open casket.  Placing it on her ring finger, letting a tear fall down my face, I walk back up.

"She'll never hear me ask her, so I'm burying her with it." I walk off stage, and leave the room. I drive home, I didn't want to see the ending of the furnal, that to me means shes really dead. She'll always be alive in my heart. I started a hot bath, getting me something to eat, then blasting music as loud as I could. So noone could hear me screaming. I start trhowing things around the house, breaking mirrors, vases, letting my anger out. Its not towards her, its towards me. I couldn't stop her, i couldn't be there when she needed me most.

Gonna clean the house
Gonna fix that fence
In my final hours
I'm gonna tie up these loose ends

I walk back into the bathroom, the tub almost filled, i turned it off. I undressed myself, and got in. 'Kill Myself' by Tim Mcgraw plaied, I listened to it, crying harder. Thoughts running through my head. I broke one of my razors, cutting my wrist, whispering. "I'll be with you soon, Eliana." The last thing I heard was 'Because I love you. I had to kill myself.'